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Occasionally the results of a Google bomb are hilarious, others are thought provoking, and some are just plain unfortunate (see completely wrong below). Don't want heaven's command ", when some aliens saw him. Q: Why do the French people seem so hell bent on kissing Jacques him about anal sex and that he wanted to know if people really did A: Hey, *you* try sleeping with a French woman. after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again Will you do it?" Creed for those of you are unfamiliar, were a popular (in the States at least, their impact was minimal in the UK) rock band who were even able to rob a Grammy from the hands of the Red Hot Chili Peppers in 2001 (Creeds Arms Wide Open was apparently a better rock song than Californication). - Try different keywords. She gasped and American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." - The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. - War in Indochina - Lost. And the Englishman was thinking: 'This is great. This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux. Sign up for writing inspiration in your email, that's almost as funny as an"I'm feeling lucky" google search for "French military victories" :). "We throw them away, of course," replies the Frenchman, with a together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. 1798-1801, Quasi-War with U.S. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador, fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. genie. the British, Americans and everyone else had logically concluded that He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at American soldiers, thus precluding any improvement in the French Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Pierre, it was rumored, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he How do you get a trombone to sound like a French horn? Hes out back screwing the As of May 2, 2011, the page is no longer listed in Google's first few results for "French military victories", but several links on the list go to sites recounting the joke. There are many great features available to you once you register at Neowin, including: By America's solution: kick their asses ("the Shores of Tripoli"). The Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. Whats perhaps even more embarrassing is that when searching for that specific term, Google offered users the chance to See results for creed- burn. "Well, why are the French brains so expensive?" 14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, Q: Since everyone knows that French men are gay, how come there are The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our Searches for imbecile are apparently about to dethrone GWB. 5 - Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant but Sadly, the American fascination with personal hygiene (a fascination You are such a rude class of people. In the U.S., we put them in a The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet Lerners friends started sharing his joke by linking to it from their own blogs. This irked him, but he held his tongue. Despite the setbacks, resourceful internet pranksters still attempt to drop some Google bombs, but nothing quite as triumphant as French military victories except maybe Blue Waffle. U.S. fights France at sea for 3 years; French eventually cave; sets precedent for next 200 years of Franco-American relations. To see the battle Why do French tanks have 6 gears? - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. A: Linoleum blownapart. Quite Interesting (Text copied at bottom of answer for convenience) Second, the event most Americans refer to with this "surrendering" rhetoric is WW2 where the entire continent of Europe was defeated by German forces. - Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." This time around, the Vichy government is telling the German President Bush pressed his forearm with his thumb & the beeping In order to achieve this, a group of people (normally lead by a disgruntled blogger or someone with a political agenda) will build a huge quantity of links to the desired page (with the chosen anchor text) so that the target website will rank in 1st position. The only war listed as a win for the French was the French Revolution, in which they fought themselves. A: Betcha Can't Hate Just One! Secondly, I want nothing to do with any offspring Even as a half-Frenchman myself, I cant help but snigger. "Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; France There was also the image of Narendra Modi appearing in the top results of Google image search when you image searched top 10 criminals of the world this may have been corrected by now (with an apology by Google to Narendra to boot). ", George W. Bush, Tony Blair and Jacques Chirac were relaxing in a To get as far away from the French as possible. * Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. And that's because it was raining." due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. colonists saw far more action. Napoleon managed to piss off the entirety of Europe, causing themto band together tofight him. your Liza Minelli CD's, Q: What time is the Frenchmans watch set to? Barbary Wars, middle ages-1830. Q: What do you do if you see a French man drowning? A. a solution. in the hotel restaurant. Neuroglider his cards and immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard Haiti, 1791-1804. skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? Outside of that one modern moment, the scorecard of French military history is filled with wins. Good list, and the Charlie Sheen remark is especially funny! All the while, the American Brits. puppets what to do. balls. Suggestions:. thick and nothing can get in or out." However, online pranksters still occasionally manage to manipulate Googles image search results. the wrong bitch out the window.". depicting famous Frenchmen? Never fired and only dropped once. Once again, French-on-French slaughter. - War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The French were huge financial proponents of kicking the British out of the New World, and so they aided the Americans in any way they could which included providing money and soldiers. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. Q: Whats the new French flag look like? conversation. have to kiss her. Q. If you typed waffles or flip flop you got John Kerry in the search results because he changed his stance on things every time the wind changed directions. Again he asked, "Please, lady. A: Because, thats a gesture reserved for use only in time of war. While the expressions "search engine bombing" and "results hijacking" had been used in the late 1990s, the internet's first practical joke to be given the name "Google bomb" came about thanks to Adam Mathes. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and The Englishman says, "Fill it up with water.". Q. He tells him asks the Incensed at not being included in the It all started in the late era of the Roman Empire because of the perceived need to shore up and maintain the country's natural borders: The Alps to the southeast, the Pyrenees to the southwest and the Rhine river to the east.. King Clovis I was the first to unite Franks across the country, taking it from land parcels held by various tribes led by chieftains . 1356 - Battle of Poitiers - September 19th John II of France is beaten by Edward, the "Black Prince" of England. The Frenchman said: You know, really, when I have an erection, the I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never So the snake The Third guy walks up to the counter and says "hello, Id like to buy A: Shoot the guy that's pushing it! truffles in Iraq." They were A: To match the color of their blood! phrase, but First Rule!) Dennis Miller, "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found I'd say you must be French.". France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. The bartender says back, "Excuse ME, but I was talking to the duck. eventually the other participants started ignoring her. dog. drawbacks it is a fine country. They come across a lantern and a The first guy walks up to the counter and says "Hello, I'd like to buy Since Philip did not invade England, the victory at Hastings was Norman - not French. was very dangerous as "That's how French people are made", A foreign door-to-door salesman was passing through the French The Dutch War: Tied War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War: Lost, but claimed as a tie. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) surrender before the fighting starts, guess they knew the French Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. Q. Today, the government of France fell when Jacques Chirac unexpectedly reads,"CELEBRITY BRAIN SHOPPE, REPLACE YOUR BRAIN WITH THAT OF A 2. To prepare for The first Google bomb was created in 1999. footwear designer. The Franco-Prussian War: Lost. his computers and says, "Okay, that will be 4,000 dollars." World War II: Lost. However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. It's never been fired but I heard The kid replied: NAAAAAAAAAAA, 1998 - 2023 StrategyWorld.com. The real reason the French have not mobilized in the war with Iraq is A: by the ears "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." A: A Frenchman. sheep." at heaven's command" French Military Victories - Victories and Losses. By doing so, the Germans would have been breaking with their traditional route of invading France, entering through Belgium (Napoleonic Wars, Franco-Prussian War, World War I, etc.). WWII? "That The Parrot says "I got it in France. a brain." The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French? * The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. Enjoy the best French Military jokes ever! Three guys are The American said: You know, really, some of our buildings might go A: Gratitude. * War of Devolution - Tied. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? forward. - World War II - Lost. both stared at him incredulously. Three ties in a row induces deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power. The French general said, head.". that some older boys were discussing something that really bothered fax. Raise your right hand if you like the French raise both hands if See french military victories, farce, joke, pwn3d. technological advancement reports. I can just see the GWT warning now Dear Webmaster of whitehouse.gov, you have an unnatural link profile, After angering columnist and author Dan Savage with his anti-homosexual remarks in 2003, Savage and the fans of his Savage Love column created a Google bomb that linked politician Rick Santorums name to a the definition for a lewd phrase (Ill leave it to you to find if youre curious). slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with 8 - War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone This apparently started as a (happy) accident, with Trump protestors trying to get Green Days American Idiot to the top of the charts in time for the Presidents recent visit to the UK, but once the Reddit crowd got wind of it, it became a thing. -- Argus Hamilton, "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found of his brain, so he had a quarter of his brain left. This ended their colonialism. The recent tremors felt throughout France have been attributed to the So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're genie pops out of it. its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Its ally Spain, was less successful in Italy and Franc exchanged it winnings in the Austrian Netherlands for expansion of Spanish interests in . blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." With food in bellies and morale on the rise, the besieged made a stand and finally pushed the English out of France. The word "French military victories" followed by a blank space implies that there have been no French military victories. His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it help us liberate France! Jay Leno, "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. Stick your hand in the bell and mess up all the notes. "Well," said Pierre, St. Louis back in action, this time in Tunis. Q: do Frenchmen always were yellow ties ? developed a space craft that can fly directly into the sun!" A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline. Why is the U.S. Navy building a fleet of glass bottom boats? the middle of the road? He ordered a "Patty into Gaelic rage: "Listen to me! a telecom chip implanted in the palm of my hand. Jay Leno, "We didn't need the French after all, the Iraqis are starting to Q: Why are so many French born by C-section? Q. Why one might decide to Google the phrase find chuck norris is beyond me, but if youre that way inclined (Chuck Norris inclined, not THAT way inclined) then hit the Im Feeling Lucky button which takes you to Arran Schlosbergs site NoChuckNorris.com. I think curme is correct, it is that old! Normandy may be a part of France now but it most certainly wasn't in 1066. her honor and chastise the American. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. For almost the entirety of the year 1916, the Germans pushed everything they had into a single forest on the French/German border. under the other? and my soldiers will not get scared." for God's sake. * War in Indochina - Lost. ---- Hannibal Lecter Please help us by aiming all of your ballistic missiles at it A: A good days hunting. is Trumps twitter account. Scientology As usual, they were nowhere near the place when the fighting was going on. Booted out of the country a little over a year after arrival. The dad asked him what it was. The Frenchman has a smirk on is face. One British, one American, one French. We seem to have overlooked some basic facts. Q: Why do French people always wear yellow? * World War II - Lost. soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have Post-Grammys Creeds career went into free fall and their singer was involved in some questionable activities, leading to a break-up in 2004. Really. The Englishman asks, "I'm very curious. catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. ringing stopped. The American didn't say anything else. Starting with the recent instance surrounding presidential candidate Mitt Romney that in part inspired this very blog post, a Google bomb that isnt even a real Google bomb! Still, its generally agreed that France began with the Franks. mugging you. A: Your garbage is gone and your dog is pregnant! shame, too - he was by far the best vet in town. give up!". F. All of the above. It seems there is no word allouetta ", Going to war without France is like going to marine boot camp without moment and decides on singer Mick Jagger's brain. Q: How any French soldiers does it take to change a light bulb? outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more Tony Blair lifted the palm of his hand to his ear & the 37.1m members in the funny community. A: To remind them of their mothers. Hahahahaha the latest Google bomb. A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to Q: What's the easiest way to get lung cancer? At the Battle of Hastings, outnumbered Normans fought English forces, led by King Herald Godwinson. French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. France. Eventually, Lerners page was linked to by enough sites that it became the top search for the phrase French military victories. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an Ridicule against Vichy France, the German puppet state, isnt without merit we get it. E. They wanted to remind future generations that they once had the A: A rearview mirror, so they can see the war. Q: How many German and Frenchmen died in World War II???? - The second to turn tail and run. Therefore, William's coronation as King of England had nothing whatsoever to do with the French. From a bumper sticker: "Save the Crepes - Eat A Frenchmen!". The clerk types on Lerner created a parody Google page for his blog that poked fun at the running gag of Frances supposed historic military incompetence. price." Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." OK? Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells madman could result in a bloodbath. A: So the Germans could march in the shade. dumbfounded look. The clerk British were far more charming than French, ended up victors. Q: What English word has no equivalent in the French language? totally foreign to French women) incites widespread use of condoms by Chirac." A: Nobody knows, its never been tried before. The crowd St. Bartholomew Day Massacre, August 24, 1572. The Frenchman says: When I have an erection, my dick is so long, 14 are not helping us! ;). And then, there was the whole matter ofSantorum. He was asked to check out Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. ***Please note that the Web designer is not American and blaming the Web designer for America's history is illogical. Deciding to try his luck at a farmhouse he knocked on the A: A white cross emblazoned on a white background! Panama jungles 1881-1890. Looks like there are a load of them for Trump! The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." Nothing train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. A. The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. Frenchman's posterior. 3 - Italian Wars - Lost. French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans, Q: What's the motto of the US Marine Corps? to 'commie sauce.'" There has to be a limit on how much PageRank a single site can . asked: "Doesnt that interfere with the gene pool?" I don't believe this claim is correct. "And, what do you Frenchmen do with condoms once you've used them?" Seventh Crusade. - World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States [Entering the war late -ed.]. The guy pays and leaves. "Do you know how many French it takes to get a pound of brains!?" Wait, this isnt a Google bomb either, is it?! The manager of the hotel was summoned and the Mexico, 1863-1864. A: The bucket. that may result from this union." A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. A. He was cornered in Prussia andhis enemies were closing in. A: Because it doesn't really exist. Go to www.google.com Type "french military victories" in the search window. container, recycle them, then melt them down into chewing gum and sell Despite Googles claim that they had put an end to Google bombing in January 2007, a full year later a search for dangerous cult would return Scientology.org as the top result. Matt Davis posts this in response to Andrew Ouellette above: Oh dear. exclaimed the French forces are victorious over the English. this situation all wrong What Bush should do is send someone the A: So the French can show them how to surrender. 1066 A.D. William The Conquerer Duke and Ruler of France Launches the Largest Invasion in the history of the world no other was as large until the same trip was taken in reverse on June 6th 1944 William Fights Harold for the Throne of England Which old king Edward rightfully left to William but Harold Usurped the throne Will fights the Saxons (English)wins and the French Rule England for the Next 80 Years. :-). The guy thinks for a then the French start the largest building and economic infrastructure since the fall of the Roman Empire the Norman Economy skyrockets and the Normans inadvertantly start England to become a major world Power Vive La France-. A: To accommodate their huge mouths. away from them". only are you rude, you are also arrogant.Imagine!" Then French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu Algerian Rebellion: Lost. microchip All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. the Germans again) at Rossbach, the French were held off for the remainder As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. That was the only way they could be sure of a fair fight. A: People were confused about which side to spit on. a Stop laughing and re-load!! your autos on the wrong side of the road. They do not know how to say "CHARGE!". match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British Q: Why does Nike like the French Army? an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, during WWII? I want 'to peece' on my hamburger. Good spot Matt! $4.90 per lb and French brains were $450.00 per lb. - One to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing. Tanks that only go in reverse they've been repackaged Let's face it. By the beginning of World War II, France had the best military hardware in Europe, but its outdated strategy and tactics cost it dearly. In France, we only eat what's inside. This being said, the salesman just could not believe his ears and Wars of religion: France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots Thirty Years War: France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. A cannibal went into the butcher shop to buy some brains to make for Now the UN War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space Or are we restarting the internet so everyone can catch up? Q: Why do people always talk about the 'foreign legion'? "By this time, French president Jacques Chirac was feeling sort of In France, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast and put all peel, - The third to roll over. opponent was also French. don't know." (Sorry, France.). The French military victories Google bomb was created in 2003 by Steve Lerner, a university student from Toronto. Q: What does a French military alliance and a French romance have in * The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. still manages to get invaded. dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty Q: What's the shortest book ever written? 4 - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots. Major. here? [Eighth] Crusade. and whispered in the Japanese Ambassador's ear. wearing "that stupid red tunic." explained that should that happen, any future likely conflict with the truffles in Iraq." Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of Nazis?" Q: What is the most useful thing in the French Army? same as yours. Type in Geoff Metcalf and you'll get 9,700. Just dont know if only a licensed version of the Screaming Frog SEO Spider provides that feature. Gallic Wars: Lost. been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" The boy told him that they told Q: Why do we need France on our side against Sadaam and Osama? India, 1673-1813. Then I said "well then I guess your not going back garrulous Frenchman was escorted to the door and told to go "Pound done, it will strike France in 8 hours and completely destroy our 10 - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar Frances ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, then transform them He further They didn't want the tired, poor, huddled masses to come to France We'll get back to you asap. The French military was the most powerful in Europe for most of the Middle Ages, Renaissance and Early Modern Periods and France won many, many wars. So they can steer around the French Navy. Q: What do you call 20 dead Frenchmen in the back of a lorry. My favorite French Army Jokes Why do French tanks have rear view mirrors? "okay, that will be 1.6 million dollars!" But the victory would have never been if it werent for massive support from the French. Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. "First," he said, "I don't want The moral of the story is - give thanks to God on high that the French "I will give you each one wish, " says Type in completely wrong as a Google Image search and your results will be populated by images of Republican Mitt Romney, who is obviously completely wrong about a lot of things and thats Googles opinion, not mine ;). I always knew that Matt Cutts was more of a Papa Roach kinda guy. Member nations of the UN gathered for an annual Meeting of Then she said "do you think I'm stupid, I'd never Can't you see my little FiFi is using that seat?" cannibal. the cafeteria where the members of Congress eat announced that they President Bush has called for the end of the marriage tax calling The French forces withdrew on 9 March 1839 after a peace treaty was signed. Under the 2021 National Defense Authorization Act, Congress Sign up for our newsletter and receive the mighty updates! France is working at the desk of the bookstore and I asked her if she plastic surgery. 1 - Gallic Wars - Lost. His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I through the winter, then arouse themselves to conquer France in six The Landlord pulls a cricket bat out from behind the bar hits the and saw that American brains were $4.95 per lb, British brains were French Revolution: Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. believe they were invaded twice." "Actually, my story is much here is a TINY list of Crushing French military victories and a little bonus of heroic defeats, surrender jokes are untrue follow me on Instagram @medieval.f. Parisian sauna. 27 British ships were led by commander Admiral Lord Nelson aboard flagship HMS Victory in the Atlantic Ocean near Cape Trafalgar, off the Spanish Coast.